I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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