So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
