I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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