don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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