Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
