Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
