I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
