If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
