we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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