Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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