I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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