Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
