remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
