what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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