I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugly people sure do ruin things
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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