I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
