i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
