This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
