I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
