I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
