Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
