it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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