i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
