I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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