sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Less talking, more tequila
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
