In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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