I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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