GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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