I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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