i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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