apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
