I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
