forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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