i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
