Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
