ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
