i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
