Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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