There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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