pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
