I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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