glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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