And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
