There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
