Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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