She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
