Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
