You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
