It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
