So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
